Yesterday, Shealyn's God-mom called me to let me know that a mutual friend and finally passed away. I say finally because this person had been sick with cancer for the longest time. She went peacefully in her sleep. I prayer her s/o can find peace and comfort.
Now with that being said, all I can thing about now is my own death. Not so much of where, how and when will I die but more of the funeral. It's not like I'm going to be there to see it. But I wonder what it would be like.
Who will officiate?
Who will write my eulogy?
What will they say about me?
Who will come?
Who will be the drama queen?
What do I want to wear?
Do I want it in a funeral home or a church?
I don't even know if I want to be buried or cremated. Shealyn is cremated. I told Hubby that who ever goes first will be buried and half of her ashes will go with that person. So I guess I want to be buried, but where?
A couple of weeks ago I had looked into a funeral planning guide. Those things are so expensive...funerals not the guide.
I guess it's time that Hubby and I sit a really talk this stuff out. So, we know what each other wants. And we should look into pre-paying for our funeral. Did you know that have that option?
Tomorrow is going to be hard for me. Not so much that I am saying good bye to someone I know. I've gone to a couple of funerals since Shealyn died I am pretty good with that. I know how to be the supportive person, the caring person. My mommy role always manages to kick in in situations like that. The hard this for me is their services will be in the same place we had Shealyn's services. This place is the last time I saw her. The last time I held her. The last time I kissed her. The last time I said good-bye to her. The last time we were a family. The last family portrait.
I wish you so much strength today. Going to a place that is such a sad reminder is really hard. Try to be patient with yourself and allow yourself to do whatever it is you need to do...cry, leave, whatever...cause this is HARD. What a sweet pic. Big hugs honey xoxoxo Nan
ReplyDeleteThank you Nan. I've been preparing myself saying it's just a place. So I am hoping I will be ok. But like I said, I'm sure once I get there adn get past the door, mommy mode will kick in. It's just the anxiety leading that sucks the most. thank you for the support.
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