As the last month of my 33rd year of life begins I find myself contemplating things. Wow! That sounds life the beginning of a "Dear John" letter to my life. I honestly did not intend for it to sound that way. My 33rd year of life started out amazing. I finally got baptized and am now Catholic. The last 3 months or so have been rough.
There is something I really want to write about but I'll do that in my actual journal. It's something I need to work through on my own and privately I guess.
Anyway, back to the last three months. My mom ended up in the hospital and almost dying from an infection from a boil. Between the hospital and the rehab/nursing home she was gone for like two months. I could go more into that but why? For what? The only outcome of that is I'd only be pissing myself off again over the situation. It's not worth it. I'll let people think what they want on that. My mom is not 100% but she's home and getting better. She will need reconstruction surgery on her legs. And that is better than before. In the beginning she was in the icu. It's was scary and heartbreaking.
Just when I thought we'd catch that break that was coming to me. My hubby's grandmother literally went to the emergency room like once a week till finally they kept her for about a week. While that happened my own grandmother went into the hospital. She was right across the hall for hubby's grandmother and I was running back and forth between the two rooms. It was crazy. Thank God everyone is now home and on the mend. My grandmother now has to do dialysis three times a week for the rest of her life. It has been put off and push back for quite sometime. It was inevitable and it was only a matter of time. And that time has finally come. She is not happy and often reminds me that my grandfather was on dialysis before he died. I have to remind her the dialysis didn't kill him. The stroke he had while on the operating table ultimately killed him.
Work has been so stressful. It seems like one thing after another comes up. At times I feel like I may be overreacting but it gets so overwhelming and there is no support. So when I get hit with everything's all at once I get awful panic attacks. Sometimes they feel like heart attacks. I wonder if I've had at least a couple small heart attacks in the last few weeks. I'm seriously not overdramatizing.
Back to my 33rd year of life. This past year I've seen wonderful things. I've seen relationships begin. Relationships end. I've seen marriages begin. Congrats D and B. I've seen marriages fall apart and ultimately end. I've seen birth announcements, announcements of pregnancies. And with birth comes death and I've seen a few of those this year. My grandmother's sister being one and a good friend of mine who helped plan my wedding back in 2004.
I am no where near where I want to be in life. I'm not there yet but it's a long process. 34 will be amazing.
