So This Is What It Is Like...

...to be homeless.

Yup. We have no home to call our own. It isn't the first time and I pray to God it is the LAST time. I won't go into details on how we ended up like this. But will the passing of Billy's grandfather it kind of works out for the best. Thank God for my mother in law. We'd be living out of my car or in a motel if it weren't for her. She was kind enough to open her home to us.

It was bound to happen. I got so far behind in the bills and rent. I tried everything I could possibly think of to prevent the inevitable. But here we are, living out of bags and storage. Its kind of like and extended camping trip. I like camping. Not sue I will like it in a day or two. But for the time being I am fortunate to say even though I don't have a home, I have a warm place to stay. Not many people can say that.

We may be down but we are not out. I/We have been through worse. I think the worse thing we've gone though is the passing of our daughter. I can sit here and say that I am 99.9999% sure Billy would agree. We have a plan and by the grace of God that plan will come to reality and hopefully soon.

These last few months have really put things in prospective for me. I made the choices. I wanted to LIVE and not worry about money and what I can and can't afford. I am now paying for it but for those few shot months I was able to reconnect with Billy and just be....US. If that makes any sense.

Anyway, back to our plan. The plan is by the end of the year we will have a house. Not a rental but our own house. It'll be the 4 of us, Billy, his mom, grandma and myself. It will be interesting to say the least but we will be able to call it home and make it our own. I am already jumping the gun and mentally designing the house but that keeps my mind off other things. Like these insane anxiety and panic attacks. They have been so bad recently. To the point of physicality. That's not who I am. Yeah, as I kid that is what I did. Hell, I had to fight to survive. But, now that just isn't me. But shit happens.

Anyway, this is my life right now. Things are sucky but I have m health and my life, and the people that matter in my life. I am just in one of many dips on this rollercoaster ride that is life.